HIV tests are more positive than that guy
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
me + whiskey = a bad person
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize