my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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