look no pants
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
