her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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