You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
