at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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