Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
