Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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