Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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