I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
