what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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