So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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