So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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