So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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