Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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