I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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