Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
