im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
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I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
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You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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