we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
