have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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