If that was your dad, he is hot
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Randomize
