Non-Jews are for practice
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
