You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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