o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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