I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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