threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
