Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
