Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
