well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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