You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
how drunk are you?
Several
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
