Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
