It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
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I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
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In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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