meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
there was a trapeze. enough said
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
