I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
