Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
