I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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