i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
