now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
