you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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