I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
