I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
