Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize