Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Randomize
