i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
