I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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