So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
