just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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