dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I got inside last night via doggy door
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