This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
