Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
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I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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