Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
