i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
