i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The uberlube is also flammable
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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