I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
