You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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