Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
there was a trapeze. enough said
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
