is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
