Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
