What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
