this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
