So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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