my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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