Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
