a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
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We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
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That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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