you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Randomize
