i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
