there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
