He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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