broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
