Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
