ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
send nudes
from the living room?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
