so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
