So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
