i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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