He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
