No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
