she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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