Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
