you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
