This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
3pm strippers are depressing
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Randomize
