i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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