my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
