im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
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so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
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I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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