It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
